Saturday, March 27, 2010

#21 When to Brag

There is NOTHING classier than someone who will brag about their friends' accomplishments.  The beauty of this is twofold:  your friend get her accomplishments out there without, well, looking like a braggart and you show grace.

Caveat:  this only works if you are sincere about it.  If you are filled with envy, skip it.  Otherwise, you will look like an ass.

Friday, March 26, 2010

#20 Read

every day.  NO ONE is too busy or too tired to read at least a chapter.

Presidents, military generals and admirals, CEOs, scientists, astronauts and all other successful people read.  If Einstein can make the time to read while sorting out relativity and Patton can read while saving the world from Nazism, you can crank out a chapter of a best seller (at a minimum).

We all have 24 hours in a day, use yours wisely.

No matter how busy you may think you are, you must find time for reading, or surrender yourself to self-chosen ignorance. ~ Confucius

 

Thursday, March 25, 2010

#19 Watch James Bond Movies

preferably with your dad.

Have a favorite Bond and know why you prefer him.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

#18 Dating

When out with a woman, offer to at least split dessert with her (if she claims not to want her own).  As a rule, we love sweets but don't want to look like pigs.  If she refuses, be wary... high drama and maintenance may be right around the corner.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

#17 Know How to Tie a Bow Tie

and when wearing any kind of tie, you must button the top button of your shirt.  There are few things tackier than an unbuttoned top button with a tie on -- you don't look cool and casual, you simply look sloppy.

And use real bow ties, not the pre-tied ones.

And another thing, cumberbunds pleats should face upward (your dad says it is to catch crumbs.  Not true but if it helps you to remember which way is up...).

At the end of the evening, there are few things sexier than a man with his bow tie untied and the top button of his collar undone.  But leave the cumberbund in tact.

Trust me on this one.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Cherry Tomatoes and Red Balloons

So, Hubs, bebe and I are in Santa Fe.  We LOVE Santa Fe.  Seriously, love, love, love it.  Every time I come here I wonder why I don't live here.  That being said, I have heard it described as "America's lint trap."  In addition to hippies and artists, Santa Fe has more than its share of odd ducks and people who simply can't find their way in the regular world.

Personally, I have no issues with these folks because, though I am only slightly off-beat, I truly believe that it takes all types.  This does not, however, pertain to people who eats mounds of fast food and then winge about their blood pressure -- that I simply do not understand or accept.

So, bebe and I are at Trader Joe's, one of my fave places on the planet.  I loathe to grocery shop but I love shopping at TJ's and Whole Foods.  They are not farmers' markets but the closest thing... farmers' markets make me happy.

{This is one of those stories I am writing so that I don't forget the moment when I am senile and eating pudding in the old lady home}

Back to the point...  bebe's latest thing is cherry tomatoes.  He will eat dozens of them if I let him.  {And, of course, I let him.  They are healthy and portable -- two key elements for this mommy}.  He sees some at TJ's, grabs them and clutches them to his body like they are his long lost puppy.  Seriously, he is beaming, hugging them to his chest and rocking back and forth.  Quite the drama king I have here.

All is great with the world:  two separate people have commented on the beauty of our auras (they are intertwined, in case you care), I am picking up chocolate covered edamame, sea salt scrub and Two Buck Chuck and bebe boy is munching on cherry tomatoes.  Could life be any more perfect?

Enter the balloon lady.  Someone gives bebe a balloon and ties it to his hand.  And it is a red balloon to boot.  Apparently, to him this red balloon resembles a giant cherry tomato so he is long past giddy. Red?  And it floats and bobs?  And I get to play with it while I eat tomatoes?  BoNANza!

It is not long before bebe has drawn a crowd with his laughter.  Someone pulled the balloon down and  bebe was mesmerized by it floating back up.  This sent him into peals of laughter.  Peals.  Which drew a larger crowd.  It was quite the scene.  There are a dozen people gathered around my child, bopping the balloon and then recording (on video, camera and voice) his response.  I am his mom and I don't have a camera with me but he is surrounded by 12 Cecil B DeMille types (three of whom look homeless).  And two total strangers have his belly laugh as their ringtone while I have the theme song from "Sanford and Son" as mine.  I am pretty sure this makes me a bad mom...

Regardless, I take this as a prime opportunity to find a bench and drink my watermelon juice.  All is right with the world... a perfect Santa Fe moment.

#16 Never Say No To:

Someone asking you to dance.

Homemade ice cream or brownies.

The opportunity to make someone feel good about themselves.

Someone asking you to take their picture.

A child asking to sit on your shoulders during the parade.

Someone asking you to stand up in their wedding.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

#15 Know How to Cook

At the very least you need to know how to make one app, roast a chicken, make one soup, do a saute, make scrambled eggs, steam veggies and how to properly whip cream so you can have berries and cream for a dessert.

I, of course, would love it if you knew a lot of other recipes but I will accept it if you only know these things. And make sure and eat your veggies, Mommy loves you way too much to let you skip that universal piece of maternal advice. Furthermore, please concentrate your veggie efforts on kale, spinach, chard and cress. For the record, we do not count ketchup as a veggie in our family.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

#14 Spring Solstice

Love the earth.

Recycle.  Always.

Never litter.  And I mean NEVER.

Eat organically.

Plant trees.

Friday, March 19, 2010

#13 On Tipping

Always tip at least 20%.

Tip on the full amount, even if there is a special.

Never tip the owner, a handshake and a sincere thank you are appropriate.

Absolutely overtip breakfast waitresses and single moms.  They are busting their ass and a $1 tip on your $5 eggs and coffee is tacky.

If you can't afford to tip appropriately, stay home.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

#12 Call Your Dad

Today is your daddy's birthday.  When you stop living with us, make sure you call him on his birthday.   While you do live with us, make a production and a cake.  You will never know how much he loves you until you have a son of your own.  He would lay down his life for you without a moment's hesitation, never forget that.

Your dad has been shot at in four countries and has been rocketed on more than one occasion.  That was NOTHING compared to the fear he had when you were in ICU with RSV.

This is the man who COULD NOT WAIT until Thanksgiving Day so that you both could wear your Dallas Cowboys gear and play football in the front yard.  The fact that you were 11 months old and could not catch or throw made no difference to him.  Daddy is not one to be deterred by details like a lack of fine motor skills.



Your dad is a man among men and if you end up being half the man he is, I will consider myself a huge success for bringing you into this world.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

#11 Take Time to Feed the Ducks

Take your child on a pony ride at the zoo.

Let your kids swing their hearts out at the park.

Jungle gyms and carousel rides are good for the soul.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

#10 On Call Signs...

(or nicknames for the non-military).  Yes, they are annoying and juvenile but it is a sign of respect and acceptance when you get one.  Wear it with pride.

My sweet bebe, you are so wicked cool that you got your call sign while you were in utero.  You may not  appreciate the moniker of "Wood" but it is yours.  I had to stop all the fighter pilots from pouring beer on my belly to properly christen you when you received it.

{For the details on why we call him Wood, see my blog posting on August 14, 09  http://scotchandcupcakes.blogspot.com/2009/08/sex-sonogram.html}

Monday, March 15, 2010

The Ides of March

So every ides of March I think of my high school Latin teacher (Calculus and Latin.  Yes, I was cool AND practical even then. ).

Mr Cusick carried an authentic, hand sewn linen tunic and toga as well as hand sewn leather sandals in the trunk of his car at all times.  Nope, not for the spur of the moment toga party... in case he found a time machine.

In the event that he found a time machine, he wanted to be able to dart to his car, grab his ensemble and zoom him self back to ancient Rome.  He kept a scraggly beard and matching hairdo for the same reasons of authenticity.

Because, clearly, the biggest glitch in this scenario would be well-styled hair or a pair of Nikes.

#9 Love Hemingway

and Staubach and F. Scott Fitzgerald and John Wayne and Elvis.

Women to love:  The Hepburns and Jane Austen and the Bronte sisters.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

#8 Read the Book

rather than see the movie.  Authors deserve at least that much.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

#7 Don't Be an Annoying Diner

If you feel compelled to make more than one change to a meal when ordering it, order something else.  There is nothing more annoying than people who order something and modify it into something completely different.  And do not order dressing on the side, it makes men look wimpy and women look high maintenance.

Friday, March 12, 2010

#6 Eat Organically Whenever Possible

Yes, I know that people say it is a waste of money and that there is no nutritional difference. To that I say: for millennia, people thought the world was flat. It was decades before the government "discovered" that cigarettes are deadly. Sadly, there are still people who think that the lunar landing was some kind of hoax. So neener, neener, neener.
In addition to being better for you (scientists just discovered that pesticides not only emasculate frogs but turn 10% of them into females), it is better for the earth. No doubt. Yes, I know it is more expensive but we sent you to the best of schools, spent extra money on DHA enhanced milk, and fed you wild salmon from Whole Foods at least once a week since you were four months old. Hence, you have enough brain capacity to make enough money to do the right thing.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/TECH/science/03/01/pesticide.study.frogs/index.html?iref=allsearch
PS Even though pesticides don't leak as much into peeled items such as avocados and bananas ... still buy them organically because you love your Mother (earth).

Thursday, March 11, 2010

#5 Always Check Your Fly Before A Big Meeting

Today I have finals so I don't have much time to write.  Hence a bit of advice that is self-explanatory BUT crucial!.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

#4 Always have some plants in your house

They clean the air and are pretty to boot.


TOP 10 plants most effective in removing Formaldehyde, Benzene, and Carbon Monoxide from the air




  • Bamboo Palm – Chamaedorea Seifritzii
  • Chinese Evergreen - Aglaonema Modestum
  • English Ivy Hedera Helix
  • Gerbera Daisy Gerbera Jamesonii
  • Janet Craig - Dracaena “Janet Craig”
  • Marginata - Dracaena Marginata
  • Mass cane/Corn Plant - Dracaena Massangeana
  • Mother-in-Law’s Tongue Sansevieria Laurentii
  • Pot Mum – Chrysantheium morifolium
  • Peace Lily - Spathiphyllum

http://www.zone10.com/nasa-study-house-plants-clean-air.html

{Sorry, folks, I am in the middle of finals so today is a quickie}

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

#3 Use Your Passport

A well-worn passport is a sign of a well-lived life.  (I pinched that from the University of Denver's website.  I figure for the $85k I am giving them for my IMBA, they can lend me a phrase).

Bebe boy, you had a passport before you turned one.  You and I went to Europe to celebrate your first birthday.  Your daddy and I value travel more than most people.  I promise you, you will never regret the money you spend on travel, especially international travel.

Travel opens your eyes in ways that nothing else can.  See the world.  Don't be afraid of people.  Don't panic about food and constantly ask "what is in that?"  This does not pertain, however, to local water depending upon where you go.  Opt for Cokes or beer.  Trust me on this one.



Go on safari.  Say a prayer at Notre Dame.  Ogle the tulips at Keukenhof.  Trek for the gorillas in Rwanda.  Understand at the Cannes Peace Memorial.  Shed a tear at Patton's gravesite in Luxembourg.  Dance a tango in South America.  Eat street food in Singapore.  The world is a huge, delicious place full of amazing and interesting people -- go out and see it.

Monday, March 8, 2010

#2 Buy Whatever It Is That Little People Are Selling

(or at least give them a donation)

One of Mommy's Laws of the Universe is that if a Scout, entrepreneur, Brownie, ballerina, band member, hockey player, debater, whatever asks you to buy cookies, popcorn, lemonade, wrapping paper, chocolate bars, magazines... do it.  If you genuinely do not like the product, only buy one thing.  If the product looks dodgy (what, exactly, is that in the lemonade?), give a donation.  And listen to their spiel; it is good for their self-confidence.

This does not pertain to the creepy adults who sell magazines door-to-door claiming that they are straightening their life out after getting shot in some gang related incident.  Feel free to ignore those people.  And lock the door after they leave.

Funny bonus tidbit:  I was a Girl Scout (I actually wore Mushroom shoes and stockings with my uniform... yeah, I am cool) for two years in elementary school.  The first year of the cookie sale, I was shocked to learn that there were prizes for selling the most.  One of the girls in my troop won a book bag with a mouse eating a Samoa/Caramel Delight cookie.  I wanted that bag!

The following year (I only stayed in GS a second year so that I could sell cookies again and WIN THE MOUSE BAG.  Sadly, even then I had an obsession with bags), I pledged to myself that I was going to sell 250 boxes of cookies so that I would get the "free" mouse bag.

My parents had a strict "no selling" policy.  No asking anyone at work, no harassing the neighbors, no standing in front of the grocery store hawking my wares.  My mother actually said "If someone calls and asks you if they can buy some, you may tell them the choices."  Like random wrong number calls ask for cookies?  Even at the age of seven, I knew this was not going to happen.

But that was not going to keep me from my mouse bag.  No sirree bob.  Like any good Southern girl knows, the shortest route from A to B is through Daddy.  Yes, it is manipulative but it is also efficient.  And I still contend he knew he was being played but happily went along with it because, well, I was his little girl and that is what we do.  As long as everyone knows their role and stays in character, no one gets hurt.

I explained my desperate need for the mouse bag to my dad and the fact that the guy who called about the meter readings did not happen to ask if I had any Tagalongs for sale.  Sweet Daddy agreed to buy whatever I needed to get the bag.  BoNANza!

What my dad did not grasp (nor did I proffer these details) was that I had to sell 250 boxes of cookies to get the bag.  The day of delivery, imagine his shock as the Cookie Mom loads 250 boxes of goodies into the station wagon.  Imagine his further shock when I needed a check for all of the aforementioned goodies.

Dad and I head straight from cookie pick-up to Sears to buy a freezer to hold the loot.  This book bag is now costing over $1000 as well as the wrath of my mother who was not privy to my scheme.

Imagine my shock when we get the prizes.  Instead of my "very cute mouse eating a cookie" bag, it is a bag with a girl riding a bicycle which has tires made of Thin Mints!  This is not cute!  There is no mouse!

I go home in tears with my crappy-ass book bag dragging the ground.  Upon seeing me, my Dad says "You mean to tell me that I spent over a thousand dollars on tens of thousands of cookies and a freezer to hold all of them... am still listening to your mother harp about this.... and you don't even like the bag?"

Between tears, I hold up the bag and show him the ugliness of it.  Sweet Daddy says "Of course you don't like it, we are not a Thin Mint family."

God bless my sweet Dad who understood Rule #1.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

#1 Have Fun Whenever Possible

So now that I have come up with the new and improved blog theme, I feel an immense amount of pressure to decide on my first bit of advice for bebe boy.  I have lots of tidbits that I can think of but the first one... wow, shouldn't it be significant?  Profound?  Witty?  Ironic?  Life changing?

Do I have any advice that is any of those things much less all of those things?

Oh dear.  What have I gotten myself into?  Shouldn't this be fun and light-hearted?  It is not like I am blogging about Sudan...

Ah ha!  Fun!  That will be my first shared tidbit.

Whenever possible, have a great time at whatever you are doing.  There are no bonus points for acting stressed-out and busy.  If you are going to laugh about it later, go ahead and laugh about it now.  Choose your friends and spouse wisely.  If they are not fun, you are doomed to a life of gray skies.  Negative Noras will say "life is not meant to be fun all the time."  Run from these types... if life were not meant to be fun, the Universe would not have created puppies, ice cream cones, babies, pinwheels or tulips.

The New and Improved Blog

I know it has been a while since I have blogged.  There are some reasons, the first of them being, I have been busy, uninspired and, well, lazy.  This takes a lot more effort than it seems like it should.  I mean, really, how much time can it possibly take to write several paragraphs?  And sometimes it seems like no one is reading this anyway so what is the point?

I am, clearly, not a fan of the winter months.  I simply need sun and warmth to make me believe that life will go on.  Pathetic, yes, but at least I own it.

A couple of nights ago, Hubby and I watched Julie and Julia.  I totally "got" that movie for several reasons including:  1) I am madly in love with Julia Child 2) I am a blogger and 3) I love to cook (and am into the whole local and organic food movement).  I actually cried a bit when Julia Child died and, oddly enough, I was in Paris when it happened.

This tearful episode is remarkable for the reason that I am not a cryer.  Never have been -- probably never will be.   I can tear up when I hear fantastic news or feel a major sense of relief.  I have been known to tear up when watching Hubby and bebe sleep while holding hands.  But full-fledged waterworks running down my face?  Hummm, perhaps every other year.  Maybe every third year.  I just don't do it.

Hubby finds this to be one of my endearing traits -- don't all men hate the random TearFest?  However, when I do sob, it absolutely gets his attention and he knows that I mean business.

But back to the point, the movie made me wonder if I should not have more of a focus to my blog.  Right now it is funny stories, some recipes, random baby stuff...  But I don't have a hilarious pass-along every single day.  Yes, I am witty but, seriously, people I am not a walking calamity.

Plus, a lot of what I put in here is stuff I want to remember about bebe.  Everyone tells me that "you swear you won't forget things and you absolutely do."  Given the fact that I believe these folks (I was never the girl who had to learn by my own mistakes, I could totally look at someone else's cock-up and decide not to jump off the proverbial bridge myself), I have opted to write the incidents down.  I figure when I go to the old lady home, someone can read my stories to me and amuse me while I eat pudding.

So, I have kind of decided to make the new and improved blog have a piece of advice everyday for sweet bebe.  Of course, I will still have random snippets, recipes and stories.  But at least the advice part I can come up with every single day rather than whenever I have a specific story to tell.