#25 You May Have One Phobia, Anything More Than That And You Are Just Wimpy/Annoying

So this weekend we started building the chicken coop.  Well, that is a lie.  Hubby started building, I merely helped with the design, answered math questions and provided encouragement.  I am all about encouragement (and math if you must know).

We have decided to keep some chickens for the eggs and because we think that bebe boy will get a charge out of them.  No, we are not going to eat the birds themselves -- that is a little too natural, even for me.

The downside of this (brilliant) plan is that I am afraid of birds.  Terrified.  Scared poopless (trying to swear less now that bebe boy can repeat stuff).  I know it is a ridiculous fear but it is a fear nonetheless and I figure I can have one phobia if I want to.

Hubby does not like alligators.  I don't like birds (but I love 'gator handbags and shoes).  Bebe boy, you may have one ridiculous phobia.  But please don't let it be a fear of flying since travel is muy important to your parents.  And you may not also be afraid of elevators since Mommy hates climbing stairs.  But, other than that, quiver on, dear child.

The Femivore's Dilemma

Fabulous article.  God, I love The Times.

The Femivore’s Dilemma - NYTimes.com

www.nytimes.com

Can chickens save the desperate housewife?

#24 On Making Up

Since yesterday's post seemed angry to some, here is a nice follow-up:

Always forgive someone the first time.  Ponder forgiving someone the second time. 

The more you love someone the more often you should forgive them.  However, don't be a punching bag...

#23 On Fighting

Your mom is a pacifist and relies upon karma.  Being a pacifist is much easier when you are married to someone who is well-armed and trained as a USMC sniper.  Just saying...

That being said, Mommy's advice is to always stick up for the little guy.  If you have to come to blows, hit hard and first.  Preferrably in the nose.  Odds are, you will never have to do it again. 

Daddy's advice:  hit to disable.  I am not sure precisely what that means but I am positive you will get the full explanation at some point.

Both of us agree on the following tenets:
1) don't hit girls
2) don't be a bully
3) always stick up for your beliefs and your family

#22 Happy Earth Day

Eat organic. 

Eat local.

Support local.

Support small family farms.

Eat grass fed.

Eat cage free.

Eat free range.

Hug a tree.

Thank a tree.

#21 When to Brag

There is NOTHING classier than someone who will brag about their friends' accomplishments.  The beauty of this is twofold:  your friend get her accomplishments out there without, well, looking like a braggart and you show grace.

Caveat:  this only works if you are sincere about it.  If you are filled with envy, skip it.  Otherwise, you will look like an ass.

#20 Read

every day.  NO ONE is too busy or too tired to read at least a chapter.

Presidents, military generals and admirals, CEOs, scientists, astronauts and all other successful people read.  If Einstein can make the time to read while sorting out relativity and Patton can read while saving the world from Nazism, you can crank out a chapter of a best seller (at a minimum).

We all have 24 hours in a day, use yours wisely.

No matter how busy you may think you are, you must find time for reading, or surrender yourself to self-chosen ignorance. ~ Confucius

 

#19 Watch James Bond Movies

preferably with your dad.

Have a favorite Bond and know why you prefer him.

#18 Dating

When out with a woman, offer to at least split dessert with her (if she claims not to want her own).  As a rule, we love sweets but don't want to look like pigs.  If she refuses, be wary... high drama and maintenance may be right around the corner.

#17 Know How to Tie a Bow Tie

and when wearing any kind of tie, you must button the top button of your shirt.  There are few things tackier than an unbuttoned top button with a tie on -- you don't look cool and casual, you simply look sloppy.

And use real bow ties, not the pre-tied ones.

And another thing, cumberbunds pleats should face upward (your dad says it is to catch crumbs.  Not true but if it helps you to remember which way is up...).

At the end of the evening, there are few things sexier than a man with his bow tie untied and the top button of his collar undone.  But leave the cumberbund in tact.

Trust me on this one.

Cherry Tomatoes and Red Balloons

So, Hubs, bebe and I are in Santa Fe.  We LOVE Santa Fe.  Seriously, love, love, love it.  Every time I come here I wonder why I don't live here.  That being said, I have heard it described as "America's lint trap."  In addition to hippies and artists, Santa Fe has more than its share of odd ducks and people who simply can't find their way in the regular world.

Personally, I have no issues with these folks because, though I am only slightly off-beat, I truly believe that it takes all types.  This does not, however, pertain to people who eats mounds of fast food and then winge about their blood pressure -- that I simply do not understand or accept.

So, bebe and I are at Trader Joe's, one of my fave places on the planet.  I loathe to grocery shop but I love shopping at TJ's and Whole Foods.  They are not farmers' markets but the closest thing... farmers' markets make me happy.

{This is one of those stories I am writing so that I don't forget the moment when I am senile and eating pudding in the old lady home}

Back to the point...  bebe's latest thing is cherry tomatoes.  He will eat dozens of them if I let him.  {And, of course, I let him.  They are healthy and portable -- two key elements for this mommy}.  He sees some at TJ's, grabs them and clutches them to his body like they are his long lost puppy.  Seriously, he is beaming, hugging them to his chest and rocking back and forth.  Quite the drama king I have here.

All is great with the world:  two separate people have commented on the beauty of our auras (they are intertwined, in case you care), I am picking up chocolate covered edamame, sea salt scrub and Two Buck Chuck and bebe boy is munching on cherry tomatoes.  Could life be any more perfect?

Enter the balloon lady.  Someone gives bebe a balloon and ties it to his hand.  And it is a red balloon to boot.  Apparently, to him this red balloon resembles a giant cherry tomato so he is long past giddy. Red?  And it floats and bobs?  And I get to play with it while I eat tomatoes?  BoNANza!

It is not long before bebe has drawn a crowd with his laughter.  Someone pulled the balloon down and  bebe was mesmerized by it floating back up.  This sent him into peals of laughter.  Peals.  Which drew a larger crowd.  It was quite the scene.  There are a dozen people gathered around my child, bopping the balloon and then recording (on video, camera and voice) his response.  I am his mom and I don't have a camera with me but he is surrounded by 12 Cecil B DeMille types (three of whom look homeless).  And two total strangers have his belly laugh as their ringtone while I have the theme song from "Sanford and Son" as mine.  I am pretty sure this makes me a bad mom...

Regardless, I take this as a prime opportunity to find a bench and drink my watermelon juice.  All is right with the world... a perfect Santa Fe moment.

#16 Never Say No To:

Someone asking you to dance.

Homemade ice cream or brownies.

The opportunity to make someone feel good about themselves.

Someone asking you to take their picture.

A child asking to sit on your shoulders during the parade.

Someone asking you to stand up in their wedding.

#15 Know How to Cook

At the very least you need to know how to make one app, roast a chicken, make one soup, do a saute, make scrambled eggs, steam veggies and how to properly whip cream so you can have berries and cream for a dessert.

I, of course, would love it if you knew a lot of other recipes but I will accept it if you only know these things. And make sure and eat your veggies, Mommy loves you way too much to let you skip that universal piece of maternal advice. Furthermore, please concentrate your veggie efforts on kale, spinach, chard and cress. For the record, we do not count ketchup as a veggie in our family.

#14 Spring Solstice

Love the earth.

Recycle.  Always.

Never litter.  And I mean NEVER.

Eat organically.

Plant trees.

#13 On Tipping

Always tip at least 20%.

Tip on the full amount, even if there is a special.

Never tip the owner, a handshake and a sincere thank you are appropriate.

Absolutely overtip breakfast waitresses and single moms.  They are busting their ass and a $1 tip on your $5 eggs and coffee is tacky.

If you can't afford to tip appropriately, stay home.

#12 Call Your Dad

Today is your daddy's birthday.  When you stop living with us, make sure you call him on his birthday.   While you do live with us, make a production and a cake.  You will never know how much he loves you until you have a son of your own.  He would lay down his life for you without a moment's hesitation, never forget that.

Your dad has been shot at in four countries and has been rocketed on more than one occasion.  That was NOTHING compared to the fear he had when you were in ICU with RSV.

This is the man who COULD NOT WAIT until Thanksgiving Day so that you both could wear your Dallas Cowboys gear and play football in the front yard.  The fact that you were 11 months old and could not catch or throw made no difference to him.  Daddy is not one to be deterred by details like a lack of fine motor skills.

Your dad is a man among men and if you end up being half the man he is, I will consider myself a huge success for bringing you into this world.

#11 Take Time to Feed the Ducks

Take your child on a pony ride at the zoo.

Let your kids swing their hearts out at the park.

Jungle gyms and carousel rides are good for the soul.

#10 On Call Signs...

(or nicknames for the non-military).  Yes, they are annoying and juvenile but it is a sign of respect and acceptance when you get one.  Wear it with pride.

My sweet bebe, you are so wicked cool that you got your call sign while you were in utero.  You may not  appreciate the moniker of "Wood" but it is yours.  I had to stop all the fighter pilots from pouring beer on my belly to properly christen you when you received it.

{For the details on why we call him Wood, see my blog posting on August 14, 09  http://scotchandcupcakes.blogspot.com/2009/08/sex-sonogram.html}

The Ides of March

So every ides of March I think of my high school Latin teacher (Calculus and Latin.  Yes, I was cool AND practical even then. ).

Mr Cusick carried an authentic, hand sewn linen tunic and toga as well as hand sewn leather sandals in the trunk of his car at all times.  Nope, not for the spur of the moment toga party... in case he found a time machine.

In the event that he found a time machine, he wanted to be able to dart to his car, grab his ensemble and zoom him self back to ancient Rome.  He kept a scraggly beard and matching hairdo for the same reasons of authenticity.

Because, clearly, the biggest glitch in this scenario would be well-styled hair or a pair of Nikes.

#9 Love Hemingway

and Staubach and F. Scott Fitzgerald and John Wayne and Elvis.

Women to love:  The Hepburns and Jane Austen and the Bronte sisters.