Things You Learn When Traveling Internationally With a Baby

1) There is no such thing as traveling light with a baby.  I am a world class packer (5 years of being a consultant would do that) and went to Africa for three weeks with only one bag.  And, yet, for three weeks with baby (granted, in two totally different climates), I required two suitcases, a carry-on, a purse and a stroller.  Yes, I know they have diapers in England...

2) Everyone is an expert on all things related to your child, though they don't know his name.  "That baby should be wearing socks."  "Babies should not eat that."  "Why is he so happy?"  "You should give him Benadryl."

For the record, bebe uttered not a peep during any of the flights but upon seeing us board the plane, total strangers were tossing Benadryl at us.  Furthermore, I practically begged my pediatrician for permission to drug sweet bebe (yes, I know Mom-of-the-Year Award is mine, mine, mine!) but the phrase "respiratory failure" changed my mind.  Immediately.

3) Most flight attendants are amazing and crazy-kind (they brought us, well they brought bebe, homemade snickerdoodles and zoomed him around the plane) but there are some who are past cranky.  Like the moron who did not think I should be allowed to board early because "why do you possibly need extra time?"  I have NO ISSUES with homosexuals but, please, please don't cop an attitude with me about needing a little extra time when I have to hoof down the jetway with bebe and two bags all while dismantling a stroller while you tap your polished shoes at me declaring "TSA says I can't hold the baby for you."  Seriously, dude, what is your alternative?

4) Babies are the best ice-breakers around.  No one is a stranger when they want to pet your kid.

5)  If you have a baby, you don't have to stand in line at The Louvre.  Suh-weet!  {Yes, I realize that it is probably not a great trade-off: the hour in line in exchange for the millions of dollars you spend on them but, if you have already made the commitment...).

6) Now I know why people hire (and fire) Brazilian nannies.  I sat next to a gorgeous Brazilian woman from Heathrow to Chicago who was madly in love with bebe.  And he with her.  I was more than happy to have her play with him and entertain him but NO FLIPPIN' WAY could she move in with us.  Yes, you may love my child but the last thing in the world I want is some hot Brazilian in my house when I have dirty hair and have not had time to shave in a week.  Sorry, sweetie, sucks to be you.