Cecile B DeMother

My mother gets antsy if she is not done with her Christmas shopping by July.  It is not that she is super-organized but rather that she loves throwing it in everyone else's face that she is already finished.  She resembles the ever-compassionate Gandhi in so many ways, that one.

This is a conversation that I had with her a couple of days ago {clearly, she is finishing up really late this year}. 

Mom:  What kind of film does your camera take?
me:  It is digital.
Mom:  Well what kind of film is in it right now?
me:  Mom, it is digital.  It does not take film.
Mom:  Fine, moron.  I won't get you anything for Christmas then. 


she hangs up

five minutes later... she calls again


Mom:  What kind of film does your camera take?
me:  It is still digital.
Mom:  So you are still being an asshole?


she hangs up


five minutes later... she calls again



Mom: What kind of film does your camera take?
me: It is still digital.  Digital cameras don't take film.
Mom: What kind of film is in my camera then, Miss Know It All?
me:  Yours is digital too.  No film.
Mom:  Wrong, moron!  I go to Walgreens, give them my camera.  He takes out this stick thing and they give me pictures, Dumb Ass. 
me:  That is not film, Mom.  It is a card.
Mom:  Whatever, idiot brain. 


she hangs up
five minutes later... she calls again


 
Mom:  Last chance, jerkface, what kind of film does your camera take?
 
 
And people wonder why I was afraid to have a baby...