That'll Do Hal

Side bar: Ken had one of his buddies, Rocky, over last night. Rocky is a man's man. Seriously, 6.5 feet tall, special forces, secret squirrel stud, you get the idea. And he reads scotchandcupcakes! How cool is that? Huge shout out to my fave, S-Cubed guy!

Several years back Hubby was deployed to the sand box for a year. We decided that his mid-tour leave should be in Paris. What could be better than meeting your honey in Paris for two weeks? The plan, in theory, is brilliant.

Now the supply chain to Qatar's BX system is not perfect and there are often shortages. Because of this, when necessities are available people stock up which causes further shortages. You see the circle here. So, before I left, I went to the USAFA commissary to pick up some stuff for Sweetness. Note of warning: do NOT go to the commissary on Wednesday mornings. It is senior citizen day and everyone wants to talk. I have an especially inviting aura and old people love me more than the Denny's Early Bird Special. I am like the Bermuda Triangle: they are inexplicably drawn to me. Normally, this is fine and even kind of cool. They have some great stories to tell and I get to hear how gorgeous I am. Wins all the way around.

Back to the point: Hubby needs toothpaste and there is a slight crowd in this area (also where denture care stuff is) so I park my cart and grab my stuff. Upon returning to the cart, I see that this adorable old guy has put his things in my cart. I tell him "Excuse but I think this is my cart." His response in a huge BOOMING voice is "Oh sorry. I was wondering why I had FOUR BOXES OF RUBBERS in there."

I am horrified. This man has now shouted my sexual status to God and everyone. I want to die or at least escape but there is no where to hide since he boomed this info and everyone knows it is me (I am the only one in the entire store who is anywhere close to child-bearing age). I see his wife dart off to a different aisle because she is also horrified. Thanks, lady, for the solidarity.

I keep stammering the random phrases "husband," "gone for six months," "Paris," "mid-tour leave," "have I mentioned gone for six months?" "legally married" and "seriously, it has been six months."

He then proceeds to tell me, and I swear I am not making this up, "When I was a gunner in Germany during WWII, I sent my wife a letter saying 'better get a tetanus shot because what I am going to poke you with sure is rusty.' " At this point the wife who has scurried off shouts from the next aisle over "That'll do, Hal." Hal says "Oooo, gotta go. Bye."

I can only be so annoyed with Hal since 1) he lost his hearing as a gunner in WWII, 2) he truly meant no harm and 3) WWII vets SAVED THE WORLD.

During the rest of my ill-fated shopping excursion I was treated like a one-woman Rosie the Riveter. The wives were giving me advice on how to be a good wife during deployment, I was getting high-fives from the men and encouragement like "you take care of that man so he can take care of us."

One of the women had this advice "Lie on your back, think of your country. It won't last that long dear."