Things That Scare Me

Not that I am particularly wimpy but the following are things that scare me. And, of course, I have omitted the obvious like something happening to my family {that one is universal, these are odd}:


1) canned biscuits -- I hate the explosion thing. Granted, it is small and contained but I don't like the sound or the popping part. My mom is the only other person I know of who has this issue. She and I have been known to partially unwrap the can and then tie it up in a dishtowel. We then toss said package in one room while we stand in another room, behind a door, covering our ears and humming. Sadly, I am not making this up.


2) birds -- I am terrified and irrationally petrified of birds. They have those nasty claws and beady little eyes. The feathers. Irregular flight patterns. Flapping wings. Egads, egads, egads. And I am not the only one on the planet with this fear since it has a name: ornithophobia.


Here are some of my favorite phobias (none of which I have):


Anglophobia -- fear of England or English culture {how can you fear fish and chips?}
Arachibutyrophobia -- fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth {unpleasant but, really, does this count as terrifying?}
Bolshephobia -- fear of Bolsheviks
Consecotaleophobia -- fear of chopsticks
Dextrophobia -- fear of objects at the right side of the body {this one must suck since half your world is out to get you}
Genuphobia -- fear of knees
Octophobia -- fear of the figure 8 {does this imply they are also afraid of infinity?}
Oenophobia -- fear of wines {c'est tragique}
Oneirogmophobia -- fear of wet dreams {insert your own joke here}
Phronemophobia -- fear of thinking {I know so many people in which this is, clearly, undiagnosed}
Porphyrophobia -- fear of the color purple
Sesquipedalophobia -- fear of long words {cruelly, the sufferers are unable to tell people what their fear is, since its name itself has 8 syllables}


I was at a conference in Vegas. Because it is Vegas, this scenario does not seem bizarre but ... there was a little person dressed as a leprechaun shouting into a Mr Microphone offering people tickets to see an all-nude roller derby. I kid you not. One of the women came into the conference hysterical. Turns out, she is afraid of leprechauns. People were kind of mocking her and I felt like I had to step in {always one for the underdog, that is me}.


I lightened the situation by saying "That is like the best phobia ever. I am afraid of birds and you see those weaselly bastards everywhere. Being afraid of leprechauns is so much better since you never see them outside of cereal box covers and, well, Vegas. It is like being afraid of unicorns. I am totally jealous."