My Mother the Mechanical Genius

You know how when you are in high school, you just want to be invisible? The last thing in the world you want is for your parents (ESPECIALLY your parents) to turn you into some kind of side show. Well, no luck for anonymity in my world with my mother aka The Side Show.



My parents got divorced while I was in high school and my mom stopped driving a DeLorean and started driving a Plymouth Reliant. Seriously. The Reliant was not what one would call reliable... a total misnomer. At some point in time, it died in front of the school while she was picking me up. Never one to just call a tow truck (preferably after most people have left), Mom has got to pop the hood and start meddling around.

For the record, she has NO mechanical ability. She, literally, can't even put together those cardboard under-the-bed boxes.


But there is Mechanic Myra out there looking for some large on/off switch under the hood. At this point, our principal who was so kind, comes strolling out. Here is her diagnosis "Well, Ed, the car won't start. I checked the air in the tires so it is not that." And she is not being funny or ironic. Even with an hour of Driver's Ed, I can tell you that is not air pressure.

Of course, I am horrified. I just want to die. Or her to die. Regardless, someone needs to die so at least I will get sympathy from this unfortunate episode as opposed to disdain.


Finally, Big Tow comes {and, yes, that IS the coolest name ever for a tow truck company. If you haven't gotten the entendre, say it out loud. No worries, I will wait for you.... cute, no?}. Off we toodle to the mechanic. At this point Professor Smart aka Mom tells the mechanic:


"Well, it is not the air pressure. And, the car is a stick so don't bother checking the engine. It does not have one."


Bill Stiles (BEST and most honest mechanic in Dallas) says "Thanks for clarifying that for me, Mary. I will call you when we figure out what is wrong."


My mom, TO THIS DAY, is completely convinced that standard transmission cars do not have engines. Kind of like how she is convinced that her nose always points north (yes, there is a blog entry about that too).