The Doggy Smack Down!

I hope this baby story translates to "paper" well.  If not, I can console myself with the fact that it is hilarious in person AND one of my favorite mom-moments yet.  Now that it is written somewhere, I will (hopefully) remember it and be able to regale him with it years from now. 

For those of you who do not know, sweet bebe favorite things on the planet thus far are me and his daddy, the dogs and eating -- and not necessarily in that order.  The babe loves, Loves, LOVES to eat.  And we have yet to find a food that he does not enjoy (well, except for a cider and onion soup -- I don't hold that one against him, though, we all found it to be gross).  Honestly, the bebe eats sushi, porterhouse with black truffle sauce, zucchini  and cress soup, yakisoba, miso, curry rice... you name it, he eats it.  (And, yes, worriers, we do feed him good stuff like broccoli, yogurt and hummus but all babies eat that so why recount it?)

So, a couple of nights ago I make one of his favorites:  salmon on a bed of steamed spinach.  We eat this brain-food-meal at least once a week and bebe CHOWS down on it.  Seriously, he eats about 1/3 of the amount of salmon I eat for dinner (yes, at 10 months of age.  Have I even mentioned that I have the coolest. baby. ever.  I dread trying to fill him up in high school but, for now, I am happy to have an eater on my hands.  Picky eaters make me tense). 

So baby is in his high chair and the beasts appear in case anything gets dropped or shared (bebe is more than happy to lick all the sauce off of a piece of penne, eat half of it and give the other half to his main squeeze, the bulldog Delilah).  I know, I know, it is disgusting to have dogs near the table but with the status of my house lately, I assure you, this is the LEAST of my hygienic worries.  So Humphrey and The Divine Miss D are in their places, salmon is warm, spinach is steamed, bib is on -- all is right with baby's world.

So, we are eating dinner and I am chatting away with him.  {Side note, sweet bebe normally babbles non-stop.  I know, I know, it is SHOCKING that I would have a child who talks early and often -- three words so far (mama, dada and, of course, dog  but I WAS FIRST, I WAS FIRST, I WAS FIRST.  Not that I am excited about that or anything).  However, during meal time bebe maintains radio silence.  Talking gets in the way of eating and he allows nothing to delay him from his yummies.  Nothing.}

So he is eating salmon and looking at Humphrey.  For the uninitiated Humphrey is a 150 pound, long haired something or other.  Possibly a Malamute.  Maybe part wolf.  His breed is not crucial but his temperament is.  He ADORES the baby.  Sadly, I would trust him to babysit long before some humans I know. 

Baby, unwittingly, has some salmon on his fingers.  He leans over to pat Humphrey and the salmon comes off on the dog's muzzle.  This is COMPLETELY unacceptable because, though he loves the dog, bebe loves salmon more.  Way more.  No Sophie's Choice for him.  Salmon to win, place and show, baby.

The baby sees that some of his dinner is on the dog and goes ballistic.  I mean totally apeshit.  Like nothing I have ever witnessed.  He grabs the dog with two hands (to prevent the beast's escape) and quickly deduces that he does not have anything to grab the morsel with.  So, he is frantically licking the dog and trying to get out of his chair for more leverage all while wailing (I swear it was something about starving children in Africa).  I have NEVER seen the baby more hysterical or panicky.  From totally mellow child to a screaming mimi; the transformation was unreal. 

Meanwhile, the best-natured-dog-ever is trying to avoid losing an eye or an ear to this onslaught but he is too afraid to budge.   You know in his doggy brain he is debating "Should I move and save myself from the hysterical kid who is screaming in my ear, licking my face, ripping out hair and tugging on my ears?  Or should I sit here and look like the good dog while calmly plotting the death of all of these losers?  Why did they pick me from the pound -- there was that nice elderly couple who had their eye on me too.  Old people watch tv too loud but they don't lick dogs.  What did I do to deserve this?  Is this karmic payback for licking myself during their dinner party or having gas on Christmas?" 

Sweet bebe finally inhales the salmon and calmly repositions himself to enjoy the rest of his meal.  The dogs have no idea what has just transpired but they want nothing more to do with this scene so they scurry off under the bed.  When an infant can manage to not only put the hurt on a 150 pound dog but also proceeds to teach his sidekick a lesson in the process...