Mommy Lessons

If you missed Friday's blog about my mom and the film discussion, I recommend that you go read it.  It is a quickie and hilarious.  I have had so many people email me about it...

A couple of things I have learned since becoming a mom:
1)  The following stains platinum blonde baby hair:

strawberries
dark chocolate
blackberries
poo

These stains will dissipate within a couple of days but the berries leave pink or purple highlights for about a week.  People will ask if you are trying to make "a statement" with your child's hair.  At first I explained but then I got annoyed and sick of 'splaining {Lucy!}.  So I started telling the nosey weirdoes that we were showing our support of breast cancer awareness and Barney (that obnoxious purple monster who sings and dances.  We don't watch it, for the record).  This tended to shut them up.  Except for one moron who asked if Barney had breast cancer. 

Just stop talking and please use a condom.  The world has enough morons without you adding more to the ranks.

2)  Should you want dreadlocks without the hassle of braiding, knotting and not washing (and doesn't that get itchy?), a nice gouda fondue rapidly speeds this process along.  I can also vouch for the lightening fast speed with which yogurt causes tangles. 

Dreadlock lesson part two:  Do not think that it is best to wait for the gouda to dry so that you can comb it out.   Once cheese hardens (especially cheese that has been mixed with leeks, dried cranberries, wine and corn starch), it becomes, essentially, a stalactite.  There is no brushing it out and you can't safely reheat your head to a high enough temperature to get it melty again.  The only choice is to cut the monstrosity out.  I have a nice bald patch on the side of my head from this lesson.  And my {childless} hairdresser had the nerve to ask me "You don't tell people you come here, do you?"  Like I am a walking bad advertisement...