Bad Mommy!

Things that make you feel like the most horrid mother ever (and I have done all of these; 8 months into it and I am convinced that sweet bebe will end up a contestant on Survivor -- kicking the bottoms of all those people with decent, competent mothers):



** putting his diaper on with one of his testicles hanging outside of it (trooper that he is, he did not scream, he merely gasped whenever I bounced him on it. Yes, I know that makes it a million times worse. I honestly did not notice).



** feeding him oatmeal way too early and giving him the worst gas (if he would have at least cried, I could have been annoyed. Instead, he gutted it out and simply whimpered away -- talk about a 4 month old stud)


** barely catching him as he LAUNCHED himself, head first, out of the pram stroller (we converted it to the sit up kind right after this happened). Because I only just caught him I scraped his face along the concrete, giving him the second shiner of his life (he just turned 8 months old, this is not a good sign).



** because he never cried when he was a bitty baby (and still is not a cryer), I actually pinched the back of his arm once (not THAT hard) to see if he had that weird disease where you don't feel pain. People made me paranoid because they kept saying that their newborns cried for hours every day. He has not cried, cumulative, hours in his life.



** letting him take a nap on the English bulldog's back because they were both so peaceful and quiet. Besides, they were so flippin' cute together.



** taping him into paper towels because I forgot to bring a diaper bag (hey, it was my first trip out) -- I blogged the full story on July 20


** not realizing that his footie pajamas were way too short (I thought they were simply snuggley) thus causing him a potential lifetime of bow legs.

This being said (and admitted to), I would like to state publicly that I would give my life for my sweet child. I honestly would (and labor felt like I was going to). I can't figure out if everyone else does these same kinds of things but they are not willing to admit it or if I am simply the most dense mom ever. I am thankful every day for having the most low maintenance, happiest baby on the planet.

I just have not completely cracked the motherhood code.