Random Tidbits

My grandma has Alzheimers and her son asked her if she knew his name. Her response was "If you don't even know your name, how should I?"


My mom said this about the Great Dane. "That one is dumb. Back of the classroom with a coloring book for him."


Have you ever noticed that all toys today light up, wiggle and scream the alphabet (and yet our global scores are declining)? I take the batteries out of half of them because they give me the vapors. People swear I am somehow setting bebe up for a life of illiteracy and Monster Truck Rallies. My response is that somehow I learned to read without some maniacal jackrabbit shouting the alphabet at me. Thank you very much.


The people who want to give you the most advice about life are the ones who have cocked up their own lives. Yes, oh person who is 70-years-old-and-unable-to-retire, is thrice married, living in low-income housing, smoking while complaining about emphysema, who kids are in the big house, please, please harp at me for buying organic spinach.