Random Tidbits from BFF's Wedding

Kim and I skipped the last part of the reception decorating festivities and I hauled her nervous ass to the DQ for a Blizzard. Some people are good with glue guns -- we are not. The crafty people were happy to have us leave and we were thrilled to down some soft serve with toffee. You gotta know your strengths.

One of my favorite quoted ever is from the Blues Brothers, “It's 106 miles to Chicago. We got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses! Hit it!” Along those same lines, right before bff is walking down the aisle at her wedding I said "It's 500 miles to Vegas. I got a full tank of gas and the keys to my car hidden in my bra. Ken is on alert to run interference if we need to make a run for it. Just give me the sign."

Kim's husband, Gene, is a great guy. Totally calm, indulgent and very patient (not that we require patience, mind you, I just wanted to include that quality). He, however, did not pick the greatest best man. The best man's toast was, I KID YOU NOT, "I hope the marriage lasts longer than your hair." No worries, I belittled and berated him enough for all of us.

Kim's future mother-in-law, once again I KID YOU NOT, brought her dog to the wedding. "Precious loves parties and I could not leave her alone. My mother just died." I am not sure if Precious is supposed to be the reincarnated spirit of dead mom or if some stinky-breathed, poorly behave, flatulent dog simply reminds her of her dead mom, may she rest in peace.

However, peace was not to be had at the wedding because Precious squeaked the entire time. Not barked, SQUEAKED. Seriously, it sounded like a Squeegee. Always one to take matrimony and other scaraments seriously, I kept chanting "death to Squeegee" during the wedding. My defense is that only Kim could hear me and, besides, it took some of the pressure off from pledging the rest of her life to someone whose mother brings animals to formal affairs.