Adventures in Friendship

Several years back my bff, Kim, comes in from Austin to Colorado Springs to visit me, see the sights, visit me, imbibe in my amazing margaritas (if I do say so myself), visit me, etc. We decide to do the touristy thing and head up Pikes Peak.

In the 20+ years I have known her, we have never had a cross word between us. I think we are both too laid back to be bothered with things like anger and girl drama. Please don't think, for even the briefest of moments, that we are Polly Annas; we TOTALLY gossip about other people, we just don't turn our (considerable) wrath on one another. It would be a Pyrrhic Victory at best.

So, we are headed up Pikes Peak and chatting. At some point, Kim stops chatting. Thankful for more air time, I continue chattering away. Still radio silence from Kim. And, LET ME ASSURE YOU, this is totally out of character. I mean, way, way out of character. Like she talks in her sleep because she still has stuff to say.

Now I am uncomfortable. She is still breathing. I can tell that much. So I do the whole "what did I say to offend her" thing. There are times I can be such a girl. Humm, we were gossiping about her dad and my mom (whom, we swear, were separated at birth). That's not it, we do that all the time. Before that, we were discussing dinner. That can't be it, she loves my arrabbiatta. Then we were talking about shoes and, if anyone has the right to be offended with that conversation it is me not her (she has the most perfect feet on the planet; Ferragamo has erotic dreams about her feet. Mine are duck feet -- as wide as they are long. Argghh!).

Me: "We are half way up, do you want to stop? Do some photos. Get some fudge."
BFF: "No."

few minutes later

Me: "Here is a turn off. You want to take some pictures?"
BFF: "No!"

few minutes later

Me: "You want to hike?"
BFF: "NO!"

few minutes later

Me: "Is there anything that you want?"
BFF: "I want to get the hell down."

She SCREAMS this at me. No humor in her voice. Nothing. And she is, sincerely, the funniest person I know. And that says a lot since I know some truly hilarious people. But she tops the list.

So, in horribly awkward silence we drive down. And for you Pikes Peak experts, we had not even gotten to the spooky, single lane, one-false-move-and-you-plunge-to-your-death part. We were on the (relatively) wide part of the road following elderly tourists from Wisconsin driving their Crown Victorias.

Once we get down, she totally perks up and acts like nothing is wrong. Seriously, Cybil, this is not okay. You have given me the silent treatment AND then screamed at me AND now you want to play nice since you think it is time for margaritas and pasta? (Yes, I know that is a run-on sentence but I like the way it flows so you will simply have to adapt).

As it turns out, she has NO recollection of the entire incident. Altitude sickness. This does not prevent me from mentioning it all the time. Really, if there is anything that my mother has taught me, it is that sickness is no excuse not to pounce on someone else's weakness. "Beating people when they are down is so much more efficient than taking on the strong."

My mother is basically the Soviet Union looking for her next Poland.