Ghengis Khan and Me

I have a reader in Sweden! How cool is that? In honor of my Swede, here is a classic.

When I was consulting for Ericsson, I spent a lot of time in Malmo, Sweden. I stayed at a place called the Genghis Khan Hotel. The owner was (unnaturally, in my opinion) enthralled with Genghis Khan. To demonstrate this obsession: he had a larger than life size outfit that was either worn by GK his own self or was a replica (my guess). I could never really get the full story on exactly what it was or, even, WHY it was. This ensemble included a robe and a big-ass headdress. And it was on a mannequin thing (with a realistic, albeit spooky, face). The whole thing stood over 7 feet tall and was encased in Plexiglas under the hotel stairs. Seems like a pointless detail that I am randomly including until you get to later in the story (for 6 months, it was under the stairs lurking at people walking into the restaurant).

So one night I decide to stay in, order some room service and lay low. The hotel does not have room service but you can order food and come get it yourself in the restaurant (being Sweden I am sure that this is some kind of tax thing). Fine, fine. I order and decide to turn on the television. Now for those of you who don't know me, I don't watch tv. I never have really cared for it and, besides, I read. The following is a perfect example of why I don't believe in television.

The X Files is on. Having seen a total of 8 minutes of this program, I am not sure if it is always scary or what but the gist of what I saw was: some hillbilly's wife died and HB was killing off all the doctors via voodoo dolls. One guy got microwaved, someone else was hung. Whatever. The details are hazy after any traumatic event. All I know is it was scary and my hotel room was dark and I was less than amused. Now, mind you, this is Sweden so they turn off hallway lights at night to save energy. They do have these emergency light things that illuminate and, if you need the full monty light, the switches glow so you can find them. I am, once again, setting scene not boring you with random environmental facts from Scandinavia. Be patient.

Time comes for my dinner to be ready. When I open the door, Genghis F-ing Khan is standing in front of my hotel room door. In his seven feet, spooky faced, headpiece and cloak wearing glory. In the dark. No Plexiglas case. Back lit by emergency lighting. After seeing 10 minutes of Hillbilly Takes on the Hospital, I let out a screech to wake the dead. {I have never understood people who say "I was too scared to scream." I have NEVER been too scared to scream. It is like my specialty}.

Other doors fly open, they see G F-ing K lurking in front of my door and they start screaming and slamming doors. Thanks for the help, wimps! Where are my Spec Ops guys when you need them?

Owner guy comes running up, profusely apologizing and wrangling G F-ing K out of the way in case I decide to attack back (which would be totally out of character for me). Turns out, he thought G F-ing K was "getting bored" under the stairs so he thought he would move him to the guest hallway. While the minions were reassembling the Plexiglas case, G F-ing K was resting in front of my door.

Honestly, I think this is the closest I have ever been to stroking out.

The next day I get flowers with a card that read "Sorry I scared you. Love, Genghis."