I'll Just Be Back

So yesterday I told a story about my sense of direction and the lack thereof. I get this from my mother. She is the only person that I have met with a poorer internal compass than me. I am not making this conversation up (no exaggerations, either):

Mom: "Your nose always points North, Joy."
me: "Are you an idiot?"
Mom: "No." {Side bar I LOVE it when people answer rhetorical questions, especially rude ones}
me: "Then how is the earth not spinning out of control given that you and I are looking different ways?"
Mom: "Humm, must just be mine then. Sister Gonzaga said so in the second grade."
me: "Well, since you have it on such good authority... What happens when you turn around? YOU and YOU ALONE affect due North? How do you not take down airplanes when you vacuum?"
Mom: "You're just jealous. And an asshole."

Finally, years later she now accepts that her nose is not a compass. However, she still has the worst sense of direction ever.

At some point she was trying to get to a baby shower. She ended up, I kid you not, in the Cargo Loading Area for Delta Airlines at DFW Airport. God knows how she ended up there but she bombs right in and has the following conversation:

Perplexed Delta Guy: "Lady, you can't be in here."
Mom: "I don't want to be here. I want to be at a baby shower."
PDG: "This is a secure area. You can't be in here."
Mom: "Obviously, it is not too secure if I got here." {She does have a point...} "And, as I mentioned, I don't want to be here. I want to be at a baby shower." {This is where she holds up a gift bag as if to demonstrate her intent; terrorists should have such a good disguise}.
PDG: "You have to leave."
Mom: "I will need directions."
P and now angry DG: "Lady, you have to leave. NOW."
Mom: "If you don't tell me how to get out of here. I will just end up here again." Now, to my mother's credit she has a point. I end up lost in the same place so many times that I genuinely believe that I know where I am because I have been there so many times before. People with a sense of direction simply fail to understand this.
PDG: "Fine. Whatever. Just leave." And he gives her directions as to how to get out of the airport.
Mom: "Thank you. Do you happen to know where the shower is?"

At this point About-to-Stroke-Out-Delta-Guy shouts and expletive and she zooms off.

Fifteen minutes later she is back. IN THE DELTA CARGO HOLD. Her explanation "That guy's directions sucked."