The Problem With Being Funny

A really long way to explain that I am feeling blue today.

The problem with being funny is that people expect it and seem to feel that me entertaining them is their inalienable right. Life, liberty and a regular supply of belly laughs.

My dad (who was hilarious and told an amazing story) would often say "Good Time Charlie has got the blues." I did not understand it when I was a kiddo but I so understand it now. It is like I am never allowed to be melancholy or, gawd forbid, sad.

Seriously, people simply don't get it. It is like when tabloids take pictures of celebs as they "really look." Big news, Joe Bag of Doughnuts, no one looks like a magazine spread in real life. Airbrushing, Photoshopping, make-up artists, flattering light -- it sets up unrealistic expectations. The same thing is true for personalities. Without prepared statements, publicists and spin doctors people are not as clever, witty or brilliant as they seem -- well, except for me, I really am this clever : )

Not that I have an entourage (though I would love that!) but I get the same thing on a smaller scale. I have had on more than one occasion the following statements made to me:

"I have heard you are funny. Prove it." Well, since you asked so nicely...

"I know this is no notice but can you go to the podium and make the audience laugh? They seem bored." This was done with over 2500 people in the audience. Umm, yeah, let me go out there and make an ass out of myself in front of thousands. Where do I sign up?

"Make me laugh, funny girl." Like I am a clown or something.

"I think you are funny simply because you are dumb. No one with sense could have these things happen to them." I have heard this several times. I could mention that I have several graduate degrees in touchy-feely, easy-peasey subjects like math, statistics and economics. Or I could mention my Mensa membership. But there is no proving intellect to dimwits, especially socially awkward dimwits. And, furthermore, perhaps if you got off your sofa-denting, reality tv watching ass, more entertaining things would happen to you.

"I am going to tell you a story, can you punch it up?" 1) I don't know what you are asking me to do and 2) assuming I understood you, are you willing to pay me to do so? Otherwise, punch yourself.

I was telling someone about someone a friend of mine who killed himself. Someone else was eavesdropping and came over to request "Is this whole story a bummer or will it end on a funny high note?" WTF? You expect me to make suicide somehow humorous? Lemme jump right on that. It is wit not a wand.

Kim (who is the funniest person I know) summed it up so nicely once when she said "The monkey has dropped her cymbals."